Gifted and Humble: How Does That Work?

Most intellectually gifted adults don’t think of themselves as gifted. Smart enough maybe, but not so special as to be gifted. After all, they were lucky, or worked hard, or didn’t get the best grades, or … whatever. Because of this reality, it is that much harder for advocates to get the systems in place that might help gifted children thrive and turn into gifted adults who thrive. And by thrive, I mean they will be able not only to intellectually “fire on all cylinders” but to be emotionally and socially healthy, too.

Few Gifted People Walk Around Trying to Act Gifted

Because people generally don’t like people who are vain or “full of themselves,” many children are taught very early that it is bad manners and poor behavior to brag or show off. So, from early on, many gifted people may have received confusing comments from parents and others around them about their cleverness, talking too much, always jumping in with their own thoughts and ideas, etc. And, at best, these comments were couched in how or why it isn’t good if you don’t give others a chance to talk or win or be the best, or — at its worst — these messages were as clear as, “Who do you think you are?”

And for people who are highly intelligent, giftedness is not, as some seem to believe, a ticket to knowing everything or understanding the reactions and behaviors of others to them. And there’s a whole lumpy continuum of what gifted — aka, highly intelligent — people do with their “trying to fit in” approaches. Some show off, compete endlessly, diminish others, avoid others, hide themselves, lose confidence, refuse to perform in public, drop out of the game or sport or activity, etc., or they try to please everyone, fit in, and play down any of their talents so others feel better.

So, sometimes, the messages about giftedness and being smart are brushed off by the gifted person so as not to offend others or make the gifted person feel weird or too different in the different environments they find themselves in, e. g. family, school, faith community, neighborhood, career role, and extended family. In fact, it seems to be the…